The cool, evening breeze, whispered softly through my open bedroom window. Although I had become accustomed to its presence, its peaceful effect had not faded with time. Like one of the few things in life that is true, I had grown to accept its tranquil presence. I lifted my head from my pillow, and slowly made my way to the window. The stars were so bright in the night sky, and the air was so fresh upon my skin. It reminded me of a time and place so long ago. It reminded me of childhood in its purest form.
Sometimes I would set there for what would seem like forever and a day, just looking up at the stars, questioning my place in time. On occasion I would catch a falling star out of the corner of my eye. Considering I’m a strong believer in fate, it always seemed well worth it to make that one little wish that no one knew about except for me, the wish maker. I must say to make a wish on a falling star is divine.
On this particular night, there were no falling stars. Only the deep emptiness that would sometimes appear, unplanned for, unexpected. As I looked around, I could see that summer would be ending soon. Fall was on the horizon, slowly pushing its way into this life. Soon the trees would be bare, and the earth would be covered with a golden carpet. This cool breeze that touched my skin would soon turn to cold, and everything would die out for a while. Everything would go to sleep until spring returned to breathe life into nature once again. This earthly process would never cease. Nothing could be done to prevent the peaceful sleep. The only thing to do was to accept.
Thinking back, I remembered being a child, playing in the huge piles of golden leaves in my Great Grandmother’s backyard, so long ago, in a place that has long since died. Those were the days of innocence. Those were the days of youth. Although it is gone, I will always have my memories. That is something no one can ever take away.
As I gazed further into the night sky, memories of the Twin appeared in my mind. When I saw beauty in life, I would always think of the Twin. I’d always wish she could be there to see what I saw, to experience the beauty I was experiencing. I think in some strange way, a part of her was still there, beside me all those times.
Sometimes, late at night as I lay in my bed sleeping, I would even think she had come to visit me. She always had that warm smile in my dreams, and her eyes were always so full of joy and life. We would talk in my dreams, about things that might have been on my mind that night. When I’d wake to the morning light, I’d feel so peaceful, as though she had really been there. The Twin was always thought of, especially at my window as I gazed into the night sky.
Once again, a sudden gust of wind blew my direction. The late night air always felt so great on my skin. So now I changed direction, and looked to the east, and to the glow from the city, only miles away. I remember how, so long ago, what I now have was only a dream. In some ways, I guess one could say I have achieved many things I set out for when I began this journey long ago. Through it all I learned many hard lessons. The hardest of all was the lesson of Loneliness and the Art of the Unachievable Dream.
So slowly I walked away from my window, and made my way back to my warm bed. There would be no phone calls tonight. Maybe I would keep the phone nearby just in case. I rested my head, and closed my eyes, and fell into the most peaceful sleep imaginable, and within this sleep I had the most amazing dream.
All of my friends were there, even the Twin, and we all laughed and talked, and felt so close once again, and the sky was a clear, deep blue, the bluest I’ve ever seen. We were all together again, as in the past. Randy was there with his truck and his infamous sneakers. Mandi with Tori, and Lisha with her Donaldson novel. Cindy was painting the most beautiful picture. Kelly was writing a song, and David was there laughing with Dahlia, and I was there, holding the Twin, and the world was right once again.
From Out On My Own by Jonathan Lamas
© 2003, All Rights Reserved.
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